I have a lot of advice on how to make friends as you get older, especially as I went through multiple friendship groups in the past few years until I found just the right people that make me feel nothing but joy and love.
You see the secret to a good life is not having 100s of friends and material things but living joyous experiences even if they may be a local brunch on a Saturday afternoon or a 4hr facetime call with your best friend. I used to have 100 people attend my birthday dinner parties which I planned months in advance, paid for the meals, added entertainment then handed out goodie bags at the end. The high number meant a lot to me because I lived a more superficial life where superficial things were my priority. I felt short bursts of joy in my life, and these hardly lasted for an hour or so.
My friends at the time and I loved to go out and dance; we liked to meet boys and hang out. We would then have hangover days on the sofa ordering pizza and discussing last nights escapades. Days like this sound lovely until one of us met someone and started a relationship and our nights out became less and less. Then some of my girls elevated and the crew became smaller. And then came the outgrowing of certain people, situations, and that part of life and the circle became a blob. As you can imagine, most of the friendships based on superficial activities didn’t stand the test of time, and unfortunately, they broke. I still have so much love for all the people that I used to hang out with and all of our fun nights out; they truly helped to shape me into the person that I am today. and I can say I had some of the best days of my life. But step forward the grown me (well
kind of grown) and I realised there is more to my life and had to reinvent me.
When I decided to start a blog which literally came out of nowhere, it was a bit of a shock to a lot of my friends. I lost many friendships along the way and I have to admit some of it is my fault. There are some reasons for it being my fault firstly I put pressure on myself to want more and elevate in life. I wanted to work hard and achieve and my achievements where coming from dreaming big. That big was a little scary for some, and some thought I wasn't being realistic. But hey here I am, an Instagram influencer and here you are on my site, reading my blog. So it was big enough for me right? . And that's ok.
Shout out to my friends that helped me with photos which looking back now, I know it was a big ask. but back then I didn’t know what I know now. Secondly, as my blog grew, I also started growing and changing as a person wanting more every day, which made me fall out of alignment with people that I hang out with at that time. Sometimes we grow out of relationships because of our vibe change, and this isn’t a bad thing as long as we don’t intentionally hurt each other. And that we didn’t.
Fast forward to the beginning of my 50s I have now started connecting with my Instagram community and meeting friends through my blog. I have met so many amazing people; however, as you go through ups and downs in this industry as a creator, cracks show and you start to spot who your real friends are especially when your numbers are low. It was hard for me to get to grips with the fact that people I was meeting throughout the blog and going to events are more my colleagues than my friends. I was taking a lot of things personally and had expectations which didn’t make it easy on a lot of relationships, and as you can imagine, they started breaking. I, however, I’m so grateful for all of it because I learnt how to put in clear boundaries, speak my mind and say NO to things that didn’t serve me the best or had my good interest at heart. It was scary and hard at the beginning, but the more I stood up for myself, the clearer it was who my friends were, and it was easier to shift the perception and change my priorities.
Truth to be told in your 30s especially as you move further up the things that use to make you feel the specific way are not the same anymore. I used to love meeting people at parties, and now I never do this anymore. I still go to parties and hang out with people, but I never try to make those events into something more than they are.
So if meeting people when your out and about is not the best option, and you feel like you have outgrown most of your university/work friends, how do you make friends in your 30s? I’m on this quest since the beginning of this year, and I have a clear, actionable plan that will help you feel joy and meet friends that fully vibe with you.
Firstly don’t feel like a victim as you have full control over your life. Instead of feeling upset for the failed relationship, feel gratitude for it helping you grow as a person and helping you understand what is it that you want from your future relationships. Such realizations are powerful, and the whole purpose of hard times is to take us to the next level and make us stronger in all areas of our life.
Idealizing people is not the way forward, and it doenst serve us so switch to idolizing yourself because trust me you are just perfect as you are. Value your authenticity and get in the flow with that energy because that’s the unique thing that you bring to this world, and you are capable of it. Don’t forget it for one minute! None is better than you. Secondly, take yourself for a coffee to a cute neighbouring cafe and bring a notebook or journal with you. As you sit there, ask yourself what makes you happy? What activity/hobby brings you joy? The goal in life is to feel joyful, so the priority needs to be on activities that bring you joy every day. I personally, after eliminating quite a few toxic relationships in my life, I was ready to meet new friends. So I asked myself what is it that I always wanted to do but never had time for it?
So I joined F45 because I always wanted to work out every day, but I never had time for it. Becuase F45 costs £200 a month, and you need to book for three months; this made me feel more invested and accountable to do five classes a week. Something I never did in the past because I never had time. I levelled up and said to the universe this is what I want, and I have money to afford it. I didn’t have any expectations from it when it comes to meeting friends but because I decided to do something right for myself and something that makes me happy I attracted people that are in line with my energy and met new friends whom I have so much love and respect for. They motivate and inspire me, and I couldn’t feel more grateful for them.
Lastly, go on a solo adventure to a country you always wanted to visit and stay in a hostel. Now I know this may sound quite risky, but the truth is there are so many hostels out there are not party vibe but more lifestyle/coworking space where people with same interests come together. Be open-minded and have no expectations and see who you meet. I can promise that there will be at least one person that makes you vibe with them, and you will want to see them when you come home.
This is how I met lovely Kim. We both solo travelled the Philippines, and she shared my room in the hostel in Siargao, it just ended up being the two of us. Even though Kim lives in Amsterdam and me in London, we plan our travels together, and there is a fantastic connection between the two of us. If you
are scared to take off and go travelling, chose a place that has a sport or activity that you always wanted to learn and go for it. For me is surfing and I’m planning two surfing trips to Costa Rica and Bali, and I’m going to stay in surfing camps or hotels, and I’m sure I’m going to meet more amazing friends and people that share the same interests as me.
So to conclude how to make friends in your 30s, the main advice I have to give is to stop thinking that you will make friends when you go out as this is what most of us are used to in our 20’s; but shift your perception to activities and what makes you happy. Put yourself first and in a high vibe place where you are happy by just doing what you love. You will start noticing people around you that have the same interests and the conversation will flow easily. Start small and sass the vibe out and decide whether or not it serves you. Try not to please people but be yourself and express your opinions and those who vibe will find you and will feel empowered by you and so will you by them. And that’s a beautiful thing. So less trying and more enjoying and watch how beautiful situations unfold right in front of your eyes. And let them and don’t think that they will be taken away because they won’t as long as you don’t want them to.
I hope you enjoyed these tips, they worked wonders for me, and I never felt better in my entire life. I went through so many ups and downs, but I’ve never been in such a secure place in my whole life, and I’m so excited for my future experiences. Happy week and have the most magical weekend ahead!